One of the things I loved most about the fact that Damon met Elena first,

He never told her. 

He never felt like he had to tell her. If she had known, who knows what should would have done or what their relationship would be like. He never told her, because he never felt like he had to use that to get closer to her. He never had to use that memory to get on her good side again, just like the Rose memory. Every good thing Damon has ever done doesn’t need an audience, and he honestly doesn’t want one. He wants everyone to accept him for who he is, good and bad; not just focusing on “well he did this one good thing.” no. He wants Elena to love him for every single thing he’s about, not just his good moments, for his bad vampire moments, he’s childish sarcastic moments, and most of all his lovingly overprotective moments. Stefan is quick to tell Elena all the good he has done, because he feels like if he doesn’t he’ll never be able to get the girl. In 1x11 Stefan told Elena he saved her from the crash because he felt like he was losing her. He was afraid that if he didn’t give her a major reason for her staying, he’d lose her right then and there for not being honest with her. Yet, every time Damon has slipped up or fallen short he has never used his good deeds as a reason for Elena to forgive him or trust him again. He’s never had to use them like a score board, “Well yesterday I did this so even if I hurt someone today, I can use this to show her I’m still good.” Damon doesn’t treat Elena like a trophy, and won’t ever use his good deeds against her. Damon has done beautifully selfless things and has never had to tell Elena about them to get on her good side. Never, not once. 

Damon met Elena first, and he never even told her. This small memory that Damon had completely rewrites their history, and I will never get past that. 

“Elena is beyond confused and I truly feel like she’s petrified of Damon’s love for her. I don’t think she knows what its like to be loved like that, with that much force and that much passion. Its like a ocean wave crashing against you, you’re thrown back and you tumble and you fall but you love it. Somehow, deep inside you loved the thrill of it so you stand right back up and do it again. Elena is afraid, she’s trembling down to the bone afraid of being loved like that, and honestly I would too. Being loved that intensely is a scary thing, knowing someone thinks that much of you and relies on your love and relies on you; it’s scary because you don’t know what to do with it. She has feelings for him, thats blatant; but she doesn’t know how to accept them fully.” — Jenn [x] (via jaybunzy0)

Saying you ship Delena with all your heart but don’t see them as endgame is like saying I’m going to sail this ship but I don’t think its going to make it to the harbor.

“Just focus on me Damon, it’s okay.” Damon choked back a knot of blood in his throat, “I can’t Elena..I can’t it hurts, it hurts so much.”

“Shh Damon, focus on me. I’m here, right in front of you. Focus on me.” Damon rested his forehead against hers and he breathed her in, body and soul, while he tried to focus on her instead of the burning sensation erupting from his sides and chest.

“Elena..” Damon’s voice cracked as he tried his hardest to stare at her beautiful doe eyes.

“I’m here Damon, I’m here and you’ll get through this because I need you. I need you so badly and its because I need you that you have to get through this.” Her voice was calm and sounded like music to his ears. A sweet melody he had forgotten existed until this very moment, when his ears finally picked up on it and his entire being was flooded with how lovingly she said his name.

Damon’s logical side reared its head briefly, telling him she wasn’t really there. Telling him that he was imagining all of this while Rebekah continued to skewer him like a marshmallow.

“Damon.” Elena stroked his cheek softly, reminding him that even if this was his imagination he didn’t give a damn. “I’m going to protect you now. For once in my life I’m going to take your pain away.”

I take comfort in the fact that every time Damon looks at Elena, not only does he see the woman he’s madly in love with, but he also sees his humanity.

Damon’s greatest desire is to be human again, and throughout the seasons that has only become more evident. But, every time he hears Elena’s laugh, every time he sees her smile, and every time he gets to see into her great doe eyes, he feels it. He feels his humanity coming to the surface, and despite his efforts to suppress it to protect himself from further pain and heartbreak, he feels it. Elena was the one who cared about him when he was at his worst, when he was his darkest and when he refused to care about anyone other than himself and getting Katherine out of the tomb. His humanity, for the most part, turned off; his heart closed off to anyone other than Katherine, his motives unclear to everyone other than himself; and above all his hatred for himself and what he was at an all time high. Elena somehow got through that. She broke through his mile thick walls, and despite every thing they’ve gone through they still are that for each other. Damon started off as this character that was portrayed as the bad guy, the villain. He has grown so much over the seasons and to see him grow and become this because of Elena, its something just magical to watch. Even if it wasn’t the writers intention to create such a magnificent dynamic with these two characters, they have and its one of the best things about the show. Watching character growth is what you look for in a show, a movie, or a book series; you want to see how far a character has come. It shows us that change is good and that through everything, despite the ups and downs, you grow for the better. Elena is everything Damon wants to remember and about being human. She reminds him that yes, deep down inside his guarded and caged heart, he still is human. Despite the fangs, blood and hunger; Damon Salvatore feels most human when he’s around Elena.

Deciding Hearts. 

“You’re not really going to let those pesky brothers talk you out of that ball, are you?” Her velvety voice slipped in through the room from where the woman stood, leaning against Elena’s door frame.

Elena sighed heavily, her entire day had been spent trying to convince the Salvatore’s that her presence at the ball was crucial to ending all this original drama. Esther had wanted an audience with her and although her intentions were very unclear; Elena couldn’t help but feel the need to go and settle all this once and for all.

Somehow, Katherine hadn’t surprised her by showing up. The vampire-queen had been absent for the last few weeks, and despite everything that they’ve been through, Elena found it somewhat comforting that she could have another voice in her life than just the brothers.

Last time she had seen Katherine was when she had saved Elena’s life indirectly by posing as her, and regardless of their brewing hatred for each other sometimes, Elena was truly grateful to her. Had Katherine really realized the danger she put herself in that night? Of course she did, she stared Klaus in the eyes and said she didn’t like him, and might have Klaus been paying more attention he may have realized that the beautiful Gilbert girl was actually her vixen doppelganger. In the end, Elena knew she owed Katherine as much as she wished she didn’t.

“I thought you were too busy running to deal with the senseless affairs of the Mystic Fall’s folk anymore, Katherine.” Elena was sitting on her bed fumbling with the ends of her damp hair, combing out the knots.

Katherine sauntered over to Elena and perched herself at the end of the bed, eying her intently and sighed, “Now who says the affairs of Mystic Fall’s are senseless? Maybe I missed the boys, or maybe I missed my twin.” Katherine leaned in and all Elena could do was stare down at her split ends and enjoy the sweet smell of strawberries and sugar that she emitted. She was something else, Elena thought.

The brother’s love for this woman was understandable, she truly had the skill to captivate anyone.

“Why are you here, Katherine? Scaring me won’t work anymore, you saved me, hell knows why; but you did and I haven’t forgotten.” Elena countered Katherine’s smirk with a knowing smile.

Their eye contact faltered slightly when they both heard a slight tapping coming from Elena’s window seat. She rose from the bed and walked over to the window and opened it to reveal a tiny little crow that had since captured Elena’s heart. Merlo flapped his wings twice and found his way to Elena’s shoulder, nuzzling his head against her cheek.

“Don’t tell me you actually like that stupid little ball of feathers and dirt.” Katherine turned her nose to the bird as Elena giggled at the black feathers tickling her face.

Elena looked over to Katherine and smiled again, “He doesn’t like you much, either.”

“Damon and his damned crow, I swear he couldn’t have gotten a wolf or an eagle or anything, he had to get one of the peskiest animals out there.”

Katherine eyed the girl warily as she had resumed her spot on the bed and continuously stroked the birds head, her expression expressing deep thought.
“You honestly don’t know which Salvatore to pick, do you?”

Elena squeezed her eyes shut as if to block out the question that had just been posed. She knew Katherine did love the brothers in her own weird way, but it was not the way that Elena loved them. She hated herself for loving both of them, for feeling this strongly about both Salvatores. Something else, though was tugging at her heart softly, dragging her in a direction she never thought she’d go.

Merlo was tugging on the string of her sweatshirt hood when she blurted, “I kissed Damon.”

Katherine’s expression didn’t falter, “I know, I saw you remember? On his sweaty deathbed. It didn’t look all that-”

Elena cut her off, “No, I kissed him again. This time he wasn’t dying.” She looked up from Merlo and toward her twin (a couple decades off). Was she just like her? Did Elena truly live up to the doppelganger curse of always tearing apart two brothers? Was she doomed to ruin their lives with her love and torn heart?

“I told you, its okay to love them both. I did and look how it turned out for me?” Katherine’s thought got caught in her throat before she could gather just where her love for them got her. She was still running in fear from the big bad wolf, and she had no one; and she tore the brothers apart from their brother hood and their friendship. As a vampire, and simply because her personality justified it, she felt no remorse for what she did to the brothers. However, Katherine thought; Elena was not her.

This girl was practically a beacon of light, had a golden girl feel and there was always going to be something genuinely sweet and loving about her. Elena was in no way like Katherine. Elena loved and regretted it because despite her feelings, she didn’t want anyone else to get hurt in the wake of her love. Her remorse would keep her from ever making a decision, a decision she so desperately needed to make.

“But you’re not me, you can’t trail them both along with no remorse which is why you’re like this. You have to choose, Elena.” Katherine was well aware that Elena knew this. Elena knew better than anyone that this decision could make or break her and would most likely destroy someones heart in the process.

Elena’s eyes were glistening with newly formed tears as she choked, “How do I know what my heart wants when its telling me two different things?”

The vampire felt a tinge of sadness pang through her un-beating heart as she stared at this lost girl. Somewhere between that pain, Katherine also felt a hint of jealousy. Elena was everything Katherine wished she could be, but would never admit to wanting. Although they shared the same face, curves, and voice; the thing Katherine lacked was the beauty Elena had deep within her heart and soul. Katherine envied that more than anything.

“Sometimes the two different things your heart is telling you is to prove one of those is better for you than the other.”

Merlo shifted in Elena’s grasp and nestled down into her lap, drawing in both doppelganger’s attention. “Maybe what your heart truly wants is what you already have and you haven’t realized that yet.”

Katherine knew who Elena wanted, she knew what her heart wanted, but she knew Elena was more afraid of the pain she may inflict and may have already inflicted than anything. She was more afraid of her love than she was of Klaus, than she was Esther and the originals, and even more afraid than she was once of Katherine. The vampire wondered how long it’d take for Elena to realize which brother she was destined to be with, now that she was pretty sure which one needed her most and which one Elena’s heart truly pined for.

“My heart aches at the thought of hurting them.” Elena’s tears fell atop Merlo’s head as he peered up at her sad expression and squeaked softly.

“Look,” Katherine wiped a tear away from Elena’s cheek and pulled her gaze to her own. “You’re going to go to that ball and you’re going to tell Stefan and Damon to fuck themselves because you’re not going to let them get in your way of being strong. You’re going to go and show them just how beautiful and passionate you are, but you’re also going to show them you’re not this tiny little damsel anymore; that you’re Elena of the Petrova bloodline and you’re not to be trifled with. Do you understand me?”

Elena nodded, not taking her eyes off of the mirrored image with curls that was in front of her. “I don’t have a dress, though.”

“That’s already taken care of.” Katherine was gone in a flash but just as quick as she vanished, Elena realized she was back standing at the end of her bed with a box. “I swear one of these days we’ll get your taste in clothes down right but for now, this dress is exactly what you need.”

Her curiously got the best of her and before Elena knew it she was opening the giant white box revealing a dress that seemed fit for a princess.

A Princess of Darkness, she thought fittingly. The sweetheart neckline of the dress was beaded with glimmering jewels and gems, while the entire dress seemed to glow in the light with its sequins despite its dark color. The whole gown itself cascaded perfectly in a waterfall of beauty. Elena was genuinely curious as to where Katherine had found this dress.

“If you thought Damon gawked at you before, just wait till he sees you in this.” Elena’s heart thudded in her ribcage at the thought of Damon’s eyes on her in this gown. Its as if this dress was tailor made to Damon’s desires.

Elena eyed Katherine suspiciously as Merlo watched them from his spot on the bed, “Did you do that on purpose? Get a dress that would mostly appeal to Damon’s interests?”

“You forget that both brothers are on the dark side, now.” Elena had caught her, in reality Katherine saw this dress after knowing Elena would probably need some convincing with going to the ball in general, and thought it was the perfect way to capture Damon’s ocean eyes. However, Katherine was in no way believing that this dress would go unseen to the other Salvatore brother. It was a win win, she decided confidently.

Katherine was getting overwhelmed with all the good she was doing. This wasn’t her style at all, she remembered abruptly; watching Elena stare at the dress. What would this do for her reputation if it got out that she gave the little Gilbert her dress let alone advice?

“Get that dress on, go to the ball and don’t let the brothers talk you out of anything you might want to do.” Katherine walked to the door frame again ready to make her exit, “Don’t forget, though; everything the brothers do they do for love, so don’t be too upset with them if they try and protect you. They love you, after all.”

And with that, Katherine disappeared leaving Elena with a half spoken thank you, Merlo, and a Princess of Darkness facade that would turn out to be less of a facade then she ever realized.

~

(Gif’s by Ashleigh.)

Well shit,

The only thing I gathered from this episode was the amount of shit Damon is willing to sacrifice for his brother’s happiness; and how much Damon sleeping with Rebekah really effected Elena. And how much I love it when Elijah says Elena’s name. Oh, and Caroline’s hair porn.

Seriously though, Damon what the actual fuck? Your love for your brother knows no bounds, its incredible. He would sacrifice everything to make sure his brother is happy and that Elena is happy. His baggage of guilt doesn’t have anymore room for anything else yet he finds room for one more bad deed to squeeze in. I don’t know how the writers managed to create and write such a flawlessly selfless character like Damon. He didn’t sleep with Rebekah to get back at Elena, he didn’t do it to piss her off, he did it because he was pissed off. Damon’s way of dealing with the large amounts of shit he gets for loving and caring is by fucking up his own life even more and it sucks. Damon is the tortured hero, he’s the one that will save the day in the end of the comic book series but the girls ends up with the safe choice, the practical choice; and he’ll deal with it because he cares more about others than himself.

Damon takes all the blame he can take and then some. Stefan is his baby brother, and just like brothers in their own twisted way of doing things, they always look out for each other; but despite everything Stefan has gone through this season and all the crap they’ve put his character through, I still feel as though Damon drew the worse card in this situation. The way Damon goes about things is the only way he knows how. He’s self-destructive because if he makes himself out to be as worthless as he truly feels he is; no one will care if he’s alone and hurting. It goes down to the, “Its easier if they hate me.” thing. It doesn’t suit Stefan, its actually a really shitty storyline for Stefan because I feel as though when Stefan does it and tries to self-destruct its in a “Look at me I’m sad.” kinda way like he was last episode. Even though he pulled back from Elena he knows that she noticed. Damon automatically deflects by being a dick and an asshole, which only infuriates Elena further so she leaves and storms off; leaving Damon with the win because at the end of the day, Elena hates how he’s acting.

Damon didn’t with this episode, though. Despite his dickery earlier in the episode, Elena thought about him throughout the ENTIRE episode. She brought it up to Caroline and Bonnie, Alaric, and even Rebekah when it came to it. Damon didn’t get her to hate him this episode, he got her to actually rethink and over think what happened. Elena was infuriated by Damon of course, but she still fought in her mind about what happened with Damon. He didn’t win his battle with himself this episode, because in the end lord knows that switch in his emotional control box is still flipped all the way on, Damon just knows how to play the strings well enough for no one to notice. Guess what Damon, Elena notices.

Still, regardless of Elena this episode; Damon just truly ripped himself apart during the entire thing. He hated on himself in the beginning, he didn’t fight off Stefan, “Shes sure as hell better off with you.” (What the hell Stefan?!)  What no one seems to get is that Damon still treats Stefan like he’s his baby brother. He still acts like he needs to teach him how to walk and cross the street and learn how to spell; holding his hand the entire time. Well, maybe its not as nice as all of that but Damon does everything he does to push his brother in who’s direction? Elena’s. Duh. Meanwhile whats his brother doing? Acting like a five year old shitting all over Damon’s name both in front of Damon and Elena. (And pretty much anyone else in Mystic Falls.) If you guys are hating the brothers for not being..well brotherly? Blame Stefan not Damon because in his own weird way, Damon is trying his hardest to help his brother out; you just need to read between the lines.

Overall, conclusion of this episode is that Damon is the most selfless character in the entire series. He would give his left eye for his brother, and even more importantly- he’d set aside the love he feels so desperately for Elena so that his brother can be happy and so Elena will be safe.

Oh yeah, and I really liked Elena’s outfit this episode. :B